2019 Super Blow


by Damian Battinelli

Here’s the take away from 2019 Super Bowl. Both the Rams and Patriots know how to punt, Han Solo hates his dog and Adam Levine loves California.

This was probably one of the most boring games I’ve watched in many years. Don’t get me wrong, both teams played very well defensively, but someone should have deflated some balls or at least spied a little to inject some excitement into this lowest scoring Super Bowl of all time.

Not only was it the lowest scoring game, but the second-lowest scoring first half in Super bowl history and for a while it seemed like no one would score a touchdown at all. 

Patriots kicker, Stephen Gostkowski, misses a 46-yard field goal attempt in the first quarter. Gostkowski makes up for the miss in the second quarter with a 42-yard field goal. Los Angeles punter Johnny Hekker set a Super Bowl record with a 65-yard punt in the 3rd quarter.


Aside from the actual game many Americans like myself wait to see which companies will present the funniest commercial. In the words of my wife, “I wait until after the commercials to pee.” In my opinion the commercials were just OK. I have to admit that I’m a fan of Harrison Ford getting pissed at his dog for ordering food through its Alexa controlled collar. Well done Amazon. Bud Light did well calling out others for using corn syrup but come on...it’s Bud Light. GROSS!

Maroon 5’s halftime performance lacked anything worth Tweeting about UNTIL Adam Levine took off his shirt. If you’ve never seen him without his shirt like me, you now know he’s a huge fan of California as it’s plastered right across his non-dad bod stomach. Aside from the sex appeal, it felt more like an attempt to create water dispenser talk at the work place. A lame grasp at getting attention.

Back to the game. Yeah, there was a game going on. Punt after punt there’s finally a touchdown when Patriots running back, Sony Michel, scored with just over 7 minutes remaining in the fourth quarter.

An interception and a field goal by Gostkowski sealed the 13-3 deal for the New England Patriots earning them their 6th ring which puts them in the same category of most Super Bowl wins alongside the Pittsburgh Steelers.

As for Tom Brady, let’s just say he now goes by the name “The Lord of the Super Bowl Rings.”